The morning of our departure dawned pink and soft, with clouds wisping gently in the eastern sky. Ahhhhhhhh such tranquility….
Well outside anyway.
Inside people were moving in every direction. Luggage was piling up, complete with piles of clothes laid on the floor in hopes of someone (me) finding room for these last minute items. Food was flying in all directions… bagels popping out of the toaster, empty cartons of orange juice sailing into the garbage. There was a 3 year old in the midst, naked from the waist down requesting chocolate milk and a visit to the potty. There was an 8 year old standing outside on the lawn playing “look for the limo“. I finally yanked him back inside so the neighbors didn’t call the police. (Or worse yet the HOA). Most people on our block are older folks who I’m sure don’t take kindly at hearing “Its not here yet” bellowed every 3 minutes at 7 AM.
As I was stuffing clothes into the suitcases the grandparents were engaged in “conversation”.
“Did you take your pills?”
“You didn’t give them to me.”
“Yes I did, I put them next to your dish.”
“No you didn’t, I would have seen them.”
“What do mean? You never see them, you probably just left them there like always and the baby ate them.”
“Oh the baby didn’t eat them, they taste terrible, babies don’t eat anything that tastes terrible.”
“How can you say that, you remember the neighbors baby? She ate cat food, now that can't taste any good, but she ate it anyway.”
“What does cat food have to do with my pills?”
“YOU were the one talking about cat food”
“I never said anything about cat food, we were talking about my pills.”
“Your pills? Did you take them?”
“You never gave them to me…”
It was about this time I noticed the 3 year old was now completely naked. Now see I am the ONLY one who notices this kind of thing. The limo could arrive, we could pile in, ride to the airport, get out, board the plane and he could still be naked and no one except me would notice.
As I was dressing said child, I heard the limo drive up. With the way Emily reacted you would have thought Johnny Depp himself was driving. Apparently riding in a stretch limo was a life long dream of hers.
A little foreign man in a suit began flinging our luggage into the trunk. I looked at the last of the stuff left on the floor and decided that it was OK if we didn’t bring another 3 sweatshirts and 12 pairs of socks. The socks mind you belonged to the 18 year old who not so long ago went up north on a visit and packed NO socks. Upon questioning this decision he said, “I’ll just wash the pair I have on every day.” Apparently that did not work out so well so now he decided to be overly prepared. Not to worry, I had already made sure he had enough.
Somehow we got all people and assorted luggage into the limo and got underway. It was quite spacious. And cheesy. It had color changing lights on the ceiling shaped like a rose, a non-working bubble light near the back door and strip lights all along the inside edges. I could just imagine a whole car load of teenagers coming and going to a prom all dressed up in stuffy, stiff clothes laughing and talking and thinking the limo was cool and classy.
Because of the hour (7:30 AM), and it being Friday, we had traffic concerns. We couldn’t take the 405, we’d still be trying to get to the airport at noon. So we took the scenic route over Malibu Canyon and then along the beach. I was thinking how gorgeous and beautiful the water was, the waves sloshing along the sand, then flowing back to the sea... millions and millions of gallons of wet, flowing, running water... AH CRAP! I realized why I shouldn't have had that extra cup of coffee. Jeff leaned over and asked if I ever noticed just how LIQUID the ocean looked....
You gotta go too, honey?
There really was a moment that I thought I surely could not go a moment longer and was resigned to perhaps wetting my pants, when suddenly the airport loomed into sight.
As we pulled to the curb, the little foreign man magically transported from the drivers seat to the back of the limo and began flinging the luggage onto the sidewalk. He had unloaded, ushered us out of the car, and driven off before I even realized that he overcharged us. ***SIGH***